Mark Wahlberg Insults Tom Cruise and Wins

Hi gals,

In case you haven’t heard or haven’t realized, Tom Cruise is an absolute jackass. He is a super jackass, really the biggest jackass in all the land. The only reason I think he is such an asshole is because Mark Whalberg basically told me so. 

Earlier this week, Tom Cruise was reported to have compared making movies to serving in Afghanastain. The papers blew up with headlines about Cruise, especially since the story had been released on Veterans Day. But, before Tom Cruise’s PR team could even blink and say that the quote was taken out of context, Mark Wahlberg came out of nowhere and stole the show with his ever so muscular arms.

On Tuesday, Wahlberg expressed his outrage at the AFI Fest screening by saying, “You don’t do what these guys did. For somebody to sit there and say my job was as difficult as somebody in the military’s. How f–king dare you. While you sit in a makeup chair for two hours.”

Done. I’m done. Whatever apology Tom Cruise comes up with or any statement he claims isn’t true, I don’t care. Mark Wahlberg not only stood up for the people who fight for our country, but he emasculated Tom Cruise with just his words.

Cruise’s attorney released statements about how his words were taken out of context. It doesn’t matter though. Cruise’s team could send out a million press releases and it wouldn’t change a thing. Walhberg defended what he thought was right, and did so in a very raw and masculine way. He made himself look like a hero rescuing a damsel in distress, even thought there was no damsel.

Hence, why Tom cruise is a jackass and I wish Mark Wahlberg could come rescue me.
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/mark-wahlberg-slams-tom-cruise-comparison-acting-armed-forces-article-1.1515456#ixzz2kyVswInn

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Video Recap: Shit Girls Say

Hey ladies,

We have all seen the video Shit Girls Say. Even if you haven’t seen it, I bet you have heard everyone talk about this hilarious video that describes girls perfectly. The entire video basically just mocks how annoying we all are at one time or another. But, I am here to make you feel better. Sure, you might say annoying things sometimes but there is always that one person that can cheer you up and that ladies is none other than Ryan Gosling.

So, here are the best quotes from Shit Girls Says that makes us sound annoying but with memes of Ryan Gosling,

I know you will enjoy!

1.“Could you do me a huge favor?”

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2. “I had to get up at like 6 this morning”

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3. “Like, I’m not even joking right now”

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4. “What’s wrong with my Computer”

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5. “I hate trying on clothes”

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Instagram Guide for Guys

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Hi Guys,

Another week stressful week is here and I know we all have so much work to do. Are we actually doing that work? No, we are constantly looking at all different outlets of social media any chance we get, especially Instagram. It’s all pretty and artsy pictures and can keep you entertained for hours.

But most importantly bitches love Instagram. So here is the deal.  Guys, I am going to tell you the when to how and when to post the best TBT without guys thinking that you are getting your period. Here are four rules to help you get on your instagram grind.

Rule #1 NO SELFIES

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Just no. Not now, not ever. No selfies.

#2. Don’t make it all about your bros.

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Please do not upload pictures every week about you and your friends doing something stupid. Girls can’t relate to the picture and will not like it. And it can make it you look like a douche.

Rule #3

If you can post a cute picture of you as a baby with a funny caption for throwback thursday.

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This will show your sensitive side and your funny side. Only do it every once in a while or else you can come across cocky or just “like” happy.

#4. Don’t like a girl’s picture every time she posts one. You will come across desperate and that you have a lot of time on your hands.

Welp, there you go. Hopefully my advice will send you to become insta-famous.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Should Take Over The Government

In case you didn’t, the government is officially back. While everyone else is rejoicing that we finally have a government again, I can honestly say I am a little disappointed. Instead of studying for my midterms, I decided to take it upon myself to find a replacement for the government. I found not one but two people who were more than capable to take over the government. These two people would have lead this country with style, grace, and a sense of humor. Ladies and Gentleman I give you…

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show

Now, I know what you are thinking. How come they aren’t leading our country now? They are funny, beautiful, and intelligent. I mean they just signed on to host the Golden Globes for the next two years, I am pretty sure they could run our country.  I just wish I had thought of this before. Don’t agree with me? Well, here are few reasons why for once, I am totally right.

1.  They are well informed on the news 

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Fey and Poehler became the first all-female team to anchor fake newscast Weekend Update on “SNL.” They delivered the news in an honest and classy manner, all while being absolutely hilarious. There is really not much else you could ask for.

2. They know how to relate to the public 

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This dynamic duo is willing to do anything to connect with the people of this country. This “Jersey Floor” skit on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon just shows how versatile these girls can be and the lengths they are willing to go for the public

3. They know how to have fun but yet get the job done.

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These ladies are probably the most fun humans on this earth. They just always have a good time but manage to get the job done. And that job is to provide you with an immense amount of laughs.

4. They basically already are politicians. Watch the link below: 

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Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton. If they doesn’t convince they should rule our country I don’t know what will.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/34465

That’s all I have for now folks.

Stay Classy,

Hannah Melton

Girls: Quoting Movies Instead of Flirting

Hey ladies,

I have always had a problem flirting with guys. I don’t understand why girls flip their hair, wear tighter clothes, and laugh obnoxiously just to get a guy to notice them. As soon as a cute guy walks by, girls smile bigger, suck in their stomachs, and stick out their chests almost like they are trying to hit someone with their boobs. But I am here to give you an alternative to flirting – it’s a magical thing called quoting movies.

The one thing guys love more than watching movies is quoting them ALL the time. It’s like they have this inside joke that never seems to stop being funny. So girls, I am going to do you a favor. Here are five movie quotes that you can say to a guy when you are trying to “flirt” with them.

 

1. Anchorman: “I’m in a glass case of emotion”.

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Now, this quote is used to play down how much of an emotional wreck you are. If you are with a guy and you realize you might have said too much about how much you are feeling, say this quote. It will get him to laugh and kind of cover up how emotionally unstable you really are.

2. Anchorman: ” Well that escalated quickly”

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This quote is perfect to use when you see another couple fighting. It will show everyone how funny you are, and even make you seem down to earth. But in reality, we know in two months you are going to be the crazy bitch screaming at her boyfriend.

3. Zoolander: “There’s more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking”.

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This one is great to use when you need a compliment from a guy. Admit it girls, we constantly need compliments. Instead of fishing for them like you usually do, just say this quote. It makes you look funny and confident.

4. Wedding Crashers: ” Ma, the meatloaf fuck!

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DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT use this quote until you are ready. This quote is only to be used when you are ready for the big leagues. You have to wait until it feels right. When you want to show a guy how funny you are, use this quote. He won’t chuckle, he will LAUGH.

5. Step Brothers: “That’s so funny. The last time I saw that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur”.

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This quote is great to use when you want to make fun of a guy. Use it when the joke he said wasn’t that funny, so it will lighten the mood and show that you have a good sense of humor. But don’t use it when he really thinks that his joke is funny because then it will wound his ego.

That’s all I have for now. But keep in mind, I quote movies instead of flirting and I have been single for way longer than I am proud to admit.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

Emmys 2013: Draft Pick for my Fantasy BBQ

Last week was the 2013 Emmys. Celebrities rolled up in their limos from all over, in the most expensive gowns and tuxes to only sit for five hours and laugh half heartily at Neil Patrick Harris. Now look, I love award shows. But not for the reasons that everyone else does. I hate sitting for five hours and watching people give awkward acceptance speeches and lame monologues. I watch the Emmys for one reason and one reason only, to draft for my fantasy annual BBQ.

I know what you are thinking, what the hell is a fantasy BBQ? It’s only the best idea ever. Throughout the year I watch each award show, big movie premiere, or any type of entertainment event. I pick out my favorite celebrities to invite to my fantasy BBQ. I don’t ACTUALLY have a BBQ and invite all the people on my list (although I like to think Matt Damon would come if I invited him). I just create a list and mostly just tell my friends who I would invite. Yes, I am crazy and yes I might have a lot of time on my hands.

In case you were curious here is the list of my top three picks to my annual Fantasy BBQ.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: She keeps going and she keeps winning. Even though her new show Veep is not that popular, she killed it on the red carpet and at the Emmys in general. Not only did she look stunning, but she made her costar hold her purse while she made her acceptance speech. I hope she comes to my BBQ and makes him hold it again.

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Will Ferrell’s Kids: He was the reason I started my fantasy BBQ. I idolize him and everything he does. Now, I want to invite his whole family. They didn’t say much but they looked cool calm and collected on stage and they were easily the best part of the night. I’d like to think they’re as funny as their dad. And if they’re not, at least their dad is Will Ferrell.

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Claire Danes: I am such a die hard Homeland fan so you would think I would already have her on my list. But, she is pretty damn crazy on the show so I was skeptical. After the Emmys it’s a done deal, she even gets a VIP invite. Not only did she look goregous, but she delivered her speech wonderfully. Honestly she can even invite Carrie( the crazy chick she plays on Homeland). In my opinion, the more Claire the better.

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That’s all for now folks. If you have any suggestions on who is good enough to be on my fantasy BBQ list comment below.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

There Are No Rules For Girls Watching Football or Guys Watching Housewives

After another Sunday filled with cursing, yelling, and frustration from watching the New England Patriots game, I decided to see if I could find some sort of news source that football fanatic girls like me could relate to. Instead, I found this article on Glamour called, “What Men Want: 9 Rules For Watching Football With Guys”. I decided to give it a chance and read on.

After I finished this article I decided on one thing: I could have saved that author a lot of time. There is ONE RULE for girls watching football. IF THEY DON’T LIKE FOOTBALL DON’T INVITE THEM TO WATCH A FOOTBALL GAME. 

Look, I will be the first to admit that sometimes all I want to do is run my hands through Tom Brady’s hair. Up until a few years ago I had no idea what a first down was and the only position I knew was the quarterback. I was the obnoxious girl who asked what a wide receiver was and complained that the game was too long.

But I stand here today as a changed woman. I can’t get enough football. It’s not all about the tight pants, but about the fourth down conversions and TD passes. Okay, the tight pants are still a plus. As a dedicated football fan now I can tell you straight up I can’t stand watching games with people who don’t like and don’t get it.

So guys, don’t invite the obnoxious girls or the bandwagon fans to watch the game with you. I don’t care how desperate you are, watching football is not the place to invite the annoying girl you are trying to pursue. Not only will they irritate you but it will piss off everyone around you that is trying to enjoy the game. Trust me, my own parents don’t let me watch Patriots games anymore with them because of how intense I get. If my own parents won’t watch football games with me, you certainly don’t have to invite little Miss “I only like the colors of the team uniforms” to watch the game.

Ladies, same thing goes for inviting guys to watch Real Housewives, this is our football. Just don’t do it!  They might agree to watch it with you just to impress you but save them and yourself the time. They just don’t understand that there are different seasons for different regions and some are just better than others. I personally like The Real Housewives of Orange County the best, but I know plenty of girls who like The Real Housewives of New Jersey so much more.

We all know it is a staged reality show, but the drama and cat fights make it that much more of a guilty pleasure. We have our favorite cast members from different seasons just like guys have favorite players from different teams. We all try to guess what is going to happen next week based on the previews, and guys look at stats and past games to try to predict who will win on Sunday.

So my message is plain and simple. If they don’t like something don’t invite them. Watching his favorite team for four hours every Sunday or making him watch the housewives go out to dinner won’t solve anything. It will just make you both more annoyed with each other. So just don’t do it.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

The Art of Quoting Chick Movies for Guys

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Hey Fellahs,

I know you all LOVE quoting movies. Any chance you get, you are spitting out lines from Old School and Dodgeball, even though most people have no idea what you are talking about. The art of quoting takes practice. You can’t just spit out a random quote from Anchorman and expect to get the laughs. When you drop a raunchy or hilarious quote from one of your favorite comedies, it has to be at the right place at the right time.

Now, even though I can quote most guy comedies, a lot of girls don’t understand what you are talking about. Yes, they have seen Wedding Crashers and Step Brothers, but do not understand when you randomly say, “Ma, the meatloaf, FUCK!”.

But, that does not mean girls don’t like funny movies. Chicks LOVE quoting from two particular movies, Mean Girls and Bridesmaids. Nothing makes girl laugh more than one someone quotes, “I’m gonna leave this open? Cause it’s called civil rights! This is the 90s!”.

So guys, here is my gift to you. Although Bridesmaids and Mean Girls are hysterical, I am going to save you the time from watching them over and over again just so you can quote around the ladies. Here are five different situations where you can quote one of these movies. Trust me if you can drop the quote in the right situation, girls will want to climb you like tree.

1. Drinking a beer

Quote: “Oh, shit, that’s fresh”

Movie: Bridesmaids

When you open a beer and take a sip from it, say “Shit that’s fresh”. This line is hysterical and it will cause all the girls around you to laugh. It’s a quick line say you have to say it sharply and it with confidence.

2. Congratulating someone

Quote: “You go Glen Coco”

Movie: Mean Girls

This is the perfect line to use when you congratulate a girl on something. For example, if she does really well on a paper or gets an internship, drop this line. It will make her chuckle and feel proud of herself for her accomplishments. You will seem funny and supportive, a great combination.

3. Talking about an unwanted visitor

Quote: “She doesn’t even go here”

Movie: Mean Girls

This quote is tricky. You have to say it as soon as the situation arises.  If you are surrounded by girls at a party and someone they don’t know walks in, they are most likely going to start talking about her. Once they start talking about her, say “She doesn’t even go here”. You have to be quick because this is one of the most quoted lines in Mean Girls. All of the girls were thinking about saying it, so if you say it before they do, you are golden.

4. Making her feel better

Quote: “You are more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!”

Movie: Bridesmaid

Girls can be emotional. So if you see a girl crying about how she thinks she is fat or how much she hates her outfit (it might be her time of month), lighten the mood by saying this line. It will automatically bring a smile to her face and make her feel better instantly. Just make sure you say it at the right place and right time or else you could sound super creepy.

 

5. Picking her up for a date.

Quote: “Get in loser. We’re going shopping.”

Movie: Mean Girls 

When you pick her up for a first date, you need to make a good impression. As you pull up to her driveway and she comes out the door make sure you yell, “Get in loser. We’re going shopping.” This will start the date on the right foot, and maybe even help you get a second one.

That’s all I have for now folks. Remember, deliver the quote with confidence and at the right time.

Stay classy,

Hannah

Welcome!

Hello ladies and gents,

My name is Hannah Melton. I am a 20 year old student studying Public Relations at Syracuse University’s S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications. Fortunately, I know every position on the football field, being raised as a die hard New England Patriots fan. On the other hand, I own an excessive amount of Lily Pulitzer items and my room is covered with pink things and glitter. Basically, I am a girly girl who just happens to be interested in guy things.

So, who cares? Well, my purpose for writing this blog is to not talk about how I am a guys guy or when the next Naked Palette is coming out. It is to bring a FUNNY objective perspective (girls and guys) to all things relevant going on in our materialistic world. I am going to basically explain why girls should like guys stuff and why guys should like girl stuff. For example, ladies don’t understand why he plays video games for five hours straight? I can show you why he gets so plugged into that virtual universe. Fellas, don’t get why she binge watches Gossip Girl on Netflix instead of going out? No fear, I can tap into that crazy to show you why you will always be compared to Chuck Bass.

All women and men are equal. Now, I can show just how hilarious and crazy the other gender can be.

 

Hugs and Fist Bumps,

Hannah