There Are No Rules For Girls Watching Football or Guys Watching Housewives

After another Sunday filled with cursing, yelling, and frustration from watching the New England Patriots game, I decided to see if I could find some sort of news source that football fanatic girls like me could relate to. Instead, I found this article on Glamour called, “What Men Want: 9 Rules For Watching Football With Guys”. I decided to give it a chance and read on.

After I finished this article I decided on one thing: I could have saved that author a lot of time. There is ONE RULE for girls watching football. IF THEY DON’T LIKE FOOTBALL DON’T INVITE THEM TO WATCH A FOOTBALL GAME. 

Look, I will be the first to admit that sometimes all I want to do is run my hands through Tom Brady’s hair. Up until a few years ago I had no idea what a first down was and the only position I knew was the quarterback. I was the obnoxious girl who asked what a wide receiver was and complained that the game was too long.

But I stand here today as a changed woman. I can’t get enough football. It’s not all about the tight pants, but about the fourth down conversions and TD passes. Okay, the tight pants are still a plus. As a dedicated football fan now I can tell you straight up I can’t stand watching games with people who don’t like and don’t get it.

So guys, don’t invite the obnoxious girls or the bandwagon fans to watch the game with you. I don’t care how desperate you are, watching football is not the place to invite the annoying girl you are trying to pursue. Not only will they irritate you but it will piss off everyone around you that is trying to enjoy the game. Trust me, my own parents don’t let me watch Patriots games anymore with them because of how intense I get. If my own parents won’t watch football games with me, you certainly don’t have to invite little Miss “I only like the colors of the team uniforms” to watch the game.

Ladies, same thing goes for inviting guys to watch Real Housewives, this is our football. Just don’t do it!  They might agree to watch it with you just to impress you but save them and yourself the time. They just don’t understand that there are different seasons for different regions and some are just better than others. I personally like The Real Housewives of Orange County the best, but I know plenty of girls who like The Real Housewives of New Jersey so much more.

We all know it is a staged reality show, but the drama and cat fights make it that much more of a guilty pleasure. We have our favorite cast members from different seasons just like guys have favorite players from different teams. We all try to guess what is going to happen next week based on the previews, and guys look at stats and past games to try to predict who will win on Sunday.

So my message is plain and simple. If they don’t like something don’t invite them. Watching his favorite team for four hours every Sunday or making him watch the housewives go out to dinner won’t solve anything. It will just make you both more annoyed with each other. So just don’t do it.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

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The Art of Quoting Chick Movies for Guys

bridesmaid 2

Hey Fellahs,

I know you all LOVE quoting movies. Any chance you get, you are spitting out lines from Old School and Dodgeball, even though most people have no idea what you are talking about. The art of quoting takes practice. You can’t just spit out a random quote from Anchorman and expect to get the laughs. When you drop a raunchy or hilarious quote from one of your favorite comedies, it has to be at the right place at the right time.

Now, even though I can quote most guy comedies, a lot of girls don’t understand what you are talking about. Yes, they have seen Wedding Crashers and Step Brothers, but do not understand when you randomly say, “Ma, the meatloaf, FUCK!”.

But, that does not mean girls don’t like funny movies. Chicks LOVE quoting from two particular movies, Mean Girls and Bridesmaids. Nothing makes girl laugh more than one someone quotes, “I’m gonna leave this open? Cause it’s called civil rights! This is the 90s!”.

So guys, here is my gift to you. Although Bridesmaids and Mean Girls are hysterical, I am going to save you the time from watching them over and over again just so you can quote around the ladies. Here are five different situations where you can quote one of these movies. Trust me if you can drop the quote in the right situation, girls will want to climb you like tree.

1. Drinking a beer

Quote: “Oh, shit, that’s fresh”

Movie: Bridesmaids

When you open a beer and take a sip from it, say “Shit that’s fresh”. This line is hysterical and it will cause all the girls around you to laugh. It’s a quick line say you have to say it sharply and it with confidence.

2. Congratulating someone

Quote: “You go Glen Coco”

Movie: Mean Girls

This is the perfect line to use when you congratulate a girl on something. For example, if she does really well on a paper or gets an internship, drop this line. It will make her chuckle and feel proud of herself for her accomplishments. You will seem funny and supportive, a great combination.

3. Talking about an unwanted visitor

Quote: “She doesn’t even go here”

Movie: Mean Girls

This quote is tricky. You have to say it as soon as the situation arises.  If you are surrounded by girls at a party and someone they don’t know walks in, they are most likely going to start talking about her. Once they start talking about her, say “She doesn’t even go here”. You have to be quick because this is one of the most quoted lines in Mean Girls. All of the girls were thinking about saying it, so if you say it before they do, you are golden.

4. Making her feel better

Quote: “You are more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!”

Movie: Bridesmaid

Girls can be emotional. So if you see a girl crying about how she thinks she is fat or how much she hates her outfit (it might be her time of month), lighten the mood by saying this line. It will automatically bring a smile to her face and make her feel better instantly. Just make sure you say it at the right place and right time or else you could sound super creepy.

 

5. Picking her up for a date.

Quote: “Get in loser. We’re going shopping.”

Movie: Mean Girls 

When you pick her up for a first date, you need to make a good impression. As you pull up to her driveway and she comes out the door make sure you yell, “Get in loser. We’re going shopping.” This will start the date on the right foot, and maybe even help you get a second one.

That’s all I have for now folks. Remember, deliver the quote with confidence and at the right time.

Stay classy,

Hannah

Welcome!

Hello ladies and gents,

My name is Hannah Melton. I am a 20 year old student studying Public Relations at Syracuse University’s S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications. Fortunately, I know every position on the football field, being raised as a die hard New England Patriots fan. On the other hand, I own an excessive amount of Lily Pulitzer items and my room is covered with pink things and glitter. Basically, I am a girly girl who just happens to be interested in guy things.

So, who cares? Well, my purpose for writing this blog is to not talk about how I am a guys guy or when the next Naked Palette is coming out. It is to bring a FUNNY objective perspective (girls and guys) to all things relevant going on in our materialistic world. I am going to basically explain why girls should like guys stuff and why guys should like girl stuff. For example, ladies don’t understand why he plays video games for five hours straight? I can show you why he gets so plugged into that virtual universe. Fellas, don’t get why she binge watches Gossip Girl on Netflix instead of going out? No fear, I can tap into that crazy to show you why you will always be compared to Chuck Bass.

All women and men are equal. Now, I can show just how hilarious and crazy the other gender can be.

 

Hugs and Fist Bumps,

Hannah