Instagram Guide for Guys

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Hi Guys,

Another week stressful week is here and I know we all have so much work to do. Are we actually doing that work? No, we are constantly looking at all different outlets of social media any chance we get, especially Instagram. It’s all pretty and artsy pictures and can keep you entertained for hours.

But most importantly bitches love Instagram. So here is the deal.  Guys, I am going to tell you the when to how and when to post the best TBT without guys thinking that you are getting your period. Here are four rules to help you get on your instagram grind.

Rule #1 NO SELFIES

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Just no. Not now, not ever. No selfies.

#2. Don’t make it all about your bros.

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Please do not upload pictures every week about you and your friends doing something stupid. Girls can’t relate to the picture and will not like it. And it can make it you look like a douche.

Rule #3

If you can post a cute picture of you as a baby with a funny caption for throwback thursday.

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This will show your sensitive side and your funny side. Only do it every once in a while or else you can come across cocky or just “like” happy.

#4. Don’t like a girl’s picture every time she posts one. You will come across desperate and that you have a lot of time on your hands.

Welp, there you go. Hopefully my advice will send you to become insta-famous.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Should Take Over The Government

In case you didn’t, the government is officially back. While everyone else is rejoicing that we finally have a government again, I can honestly say I am a little disappointed. Instead of studying for my midterms, I decided to take it upon myself to find a replacement for the government. I found not one but two people who were more than capable to take over the government. These two people would have lead this country with style, grace, and a sense of humor. Ladies and Gentleman I give you…

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Show

Now, I know what you are thinking. How come they aren’t leading our country now? They are funny, beautiful, and intelligent. I mean they just signed on to host the Golden Globes for the next two years, I am pretty sure they could run our country.  I just wish I had thought of this before. Don’t agree with me? Well, here are few reasons why for once, I am totally right.

1.  They are well informed on the news 

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Fey and Poehler became the first all-female team to anchor fake newscast Weekend Update on “SNL.” They delivered the news in an honest and classy manner, all while being absolutely hilarious. There is really not much else you could ask for.

2. They know how to relate to the public 

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This dynamic duo is willing to do anything to connect with the people of this country. This “Jersey Floor” skit on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon just shows how versatile these girls can be and the lengths they are willing to go for the public

3. They know how to have fun but yet get the job done.

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These ladies are probably the most fun humans on this earth. They just always have a good time but manage to get the job done. And that job is to provide you with an immense amount of laughs.

4. They basically already are politicians. Watch the link below: 

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Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton. If they doesn’t convince they should rule our country I don’t know what will.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/34465

That’s all I have for now folks.

Stay Classy,

Hannah Melton

Girls: Quoting Movies Instead of Flirting

Hey ladies,

I have always had a problem flirting with guys. I don’t understand why girls flip their hair, wear tighter clothes, and laugh obnoxiously just to get a guy to notice them. As soon as a cute guy walks by, girls smile bigger, suck in their stomachs, and stick out their chests almost like they are trying to hit someone with their boobs. But I am here to give you an alternative to flirting – it’s a magical thing called quoting movies.

The one thing guys love more than watching movies is quoting them ALL the time. It’s like they have this inside joke that never seems to stop being funny. So girls, I am going to do you a favor. Here are five movie quotes that you can say to a guy when you are trying to “flirt” with them.

 

1. Anchorman: “I’m in a glass case of emotion”.

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Now, this quote is used to play down how much of an emotional wreck you are. If you are with a guy and you realize you might have said too much about how much you are feeling, say this quote. It will get him to laugh and kind of cover up how emotionally unstable you really are.

2. Anchorman: ” Well that escalated quickly”

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This quote is perfect to use when you see another couple fighting. It will show everyone how funny you are, and even make you seem down to earth. But in reality, we know in two months you are going to be the crazy bitch screaming at her boyfriend.

3. Zoolander: “There’s more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking”.

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This one is great to use when you need a compliment from a guy. Admit it girls, we constantly need compliments. Instead of fishing for them like you usually do, just say this quote. It makes you look funny and confident.

4. Wedding Crashers: ” Ma, the meatloaf fuck!

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DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT use this quote until you are ready. This quote is only to be used when you are ready for the big leagues. You have to wait until it feels right. When you want to show a guy how funny you are, use this quote. He won’t chuckle, he will LAUGH.

5. Step Brothers: “That’s so funny. The last time I saw that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur”.

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This quote is great to use when you want to make fun of a guy. Use it when the joke he said wasn’t that funny, so it will lighten the mood and show that you have a good sense of humor. But don’t use it when he really thinks that his joke is funny because then it will wound his ego.

That’s all I have for now. But keep in mind, I quote movies instead of flirting and I have been single for way longer than I am proud to admit.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton

Emmys 2013: Draft Pick for my Fantasy BBQ

Last week was the 2013 Emmys. Celebrities rolled up in their limos from all over, in the most expensive gowns and tuxes to only sit for five hours and laugh half heartily at Neil Patrick Harris. Now look, I love award shows. But not for the reasons that everyone else does. I hate sitting for five hours and watching people give awkward acceptance speeches and lame monologues. I watch the Emmys for one reason and one reason only, to draft for my fantasy annual BBQ.

I know what you are thinking, what the hell is a fantasy BBQ? It’s only the best idea ever. Throughout the year I watch each award show, big movie premiere, or any type of entertainment event. I pick out my favorite celebrities to invite to my fantasy BBQ. I don’t ACTUALLY have a BBQ and invite all the people on my list (although I like to think Matt Damon would come if I invited him). I just create a list and mostly just tell my friends who I would invite. Yes, I am crazy and yes I might have a lot of time on my hands.

In case you were curious here is the list of my top three picks to my annual Fantasy BBQ.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: She keeps going and she keeps winning. Even though her new show Veep is not that popular, she killed it on the red carpet and at the Emmys in general. Not only did she look stunning, but she made her costar hold her purse while she made her acceptance speech. I hope she comes to my BBQ and makes him hold it again.

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Will Ferrell’s Kids: He was the reason I started my fantasy BBQ. I idolize him and everything he does. Now, I want to invite his whole family. They didn’t say much but they looked cool calm and collected on stage and they were easily the best part of the night. I’d like to think they’re as funny as their dad. And if they’re not, at least their dad is Will Ferrell.

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Claire Danes: I am such a die hard Homeland fan so you would think I would already have her on my list. But, she is pretty damn crazy on the show so I was skeptical. After the Emmys it’s a done deal, she even gets a VIP invite. Not only did she look goregous, but she delivered her speech wonderfully. Honestly she can even invite Carrie( the crazy chick she plays on Homeland). In my opinion, the more Claire the better.

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That’s all for now folks. If you have any suggestions on who is good enough to be on my fantasy BBQ list comment below.

Stay classy,

Hannah Melton